Well, I am definitely guilty of losing sight of the fun... Worse still during the last 11 years I've taken considerable time off for each of my children. At one point I even put the clarinet down quite deliberately with the intention of never playing again. I was worn out with some elements of the industry. In the end I missed playing too much though, and chose to get back on the horse. I didn't have a goal in mind, I just wanted to play. After a while I started to work again, but I promised myself I would try very hard to keep the spirit of the woman who had just wanted to play her clarinet. 

My reason for doing #100daysofpractice is very simple. I want to. It is a good motivator for me. It's not because I want everyone to think I'm wonderful (let's face it, sharing practice videos is everyone's worst nightmare and it could well have the opposite effect!), but it is because I want to push myself and share the journey. Playing an instrument is wonderful, and the journey you make within yourself when you commit to self-improvement is amazing. Music is more than how you play, it's about what you share with other people WHEN you play. It's about how other people can relate to you through watching and listening. It is about being human - my goal in sharing is to be human. 

Now, OF COURSE I play the clarinet so practice is already a part of my life, but I'm almost always practising FOR something... When I started this process on 01-01-2020 though, that was NOT the reason. I was actually on my holidays :)   

So as week one draws to a close, here are a few initial thoughts:

• I am really enjoying it. I love playing and working in this way nurtures this part of who I am. 
• Practising is therapy. Even when you sound crap, blowing a clarinet tones your vagus nerve and it just lifts your whole being. 
• Practising is mindfulness in action. One of the biggest challenges to me in motherhood has been practising when my kids are 'at me'. The interruptions and background noises eat away at your concentration and this AP/BF mum found it impossible to really focus. Now that my children are a little bit older I'm finally able to go deeper, and it is actual bliss, even though often I suck (pardon the pun!). 
• I have given too much of myself away. Even once my children were a little less demanding I realised I was still giving my time away to people who didn't understand that my work and practice was IMPORTANT. My bad... Since making a conscious choice to redistribute my time - to me - I am so much happier. 
• I like practising for NO REASON. I have actually found myself working at things I wouldn't normally work at precisely because I don't have to... 
• It doesn't matter what other people think. This is REALLY important... I can absolutely promise you that I am only doing this for myself. People who have nothing better to do than speak negatively about other musicians are simply missing the point... I've had private messages from people telling me how I've inspired them to pick up their instrument after years, and I've also had messages from people saying that they are too scared to put a video online. I suspect it's a rather 'classical' affliction to feel this way, and that maybe other genres of music are more welcoming/less elitist. Maybe I'm wrong, but whether you're an amateur or a professional it doesn't matter.  If you're happy to share a picture of your lunch or your new shoes on social media, how much more inspiring is it that you share your musical journey? Now don't get me wrong, of course I worry about how I am being perceived, but I absolutely think that committing to this is the right thing to do and I am working hard to feel the fear and do it anyway :) 
• I can feel myself improving. It's a nice feeling. 

The world of social media is scary. Heck the world of classical music is scary! It makes you feel inadequate and the loud personalities dominate, particularly (it seems) when it comes to the clarinet. Many people worry about being 'found out' though, even people who come across as confident. Self-doubt is actually far more common than you may realise*. We are not all such strong personalities, BUT there is a place for everyone. There is a place for me and there is a place for you, and so I invite you to join me on this journey... It is a journey of self-improvement, and it requires humility - but I do not think you will regret it. I'm only a week in and whilst I know I will have some tough days ahead, I am committed. I can't wait to see what the next 93 days have in store. 

You can find me on Instagram at @_anneclarinet. My profile is set to private (because it's a personal profile) but you can request to follow me and I'd love to follow your #100daysofpractice in return.

*If you struggle with nerves, try this blog.

I realise that I'm probably a little late to the party with this one, but thought it was worth a share anyway... 

First of all, a confession: I bore really easily, and over the last year I have actually found videoing my playing to be a really helpful practice tool. Not only can I listen back easily (and therefore pick holes in every single thing I do!), but I can also watch my hands and face as I play. We all 'teach' ourselves all the time, but this process allows me to observe my playing from a totally different perspective. Practising using video technology has helped me to spot issues I think I might otherwise have missed. I can also set myself goals, and at the end of the process I feel I've achieved something. This week I took the whole thing a stage further and downloaded the 'acapella' app - and basically it's tons of fun :) 

Previously, recording multi-track video was a total nightmare (and involved using MovieMaker multiple times, and making my own click track.... ), I did a 4-part recording this way at Christmas-time last year and nearly drove myself mad! This app makes it all so much easier. It's dead easy to use, and you can set your own click track to suit & listen back as you add more layers. The free version will only give you a couple of minutes recording time (and be warned you need lots of spare memory if you're going to record for longer or with more layers!), but I paid for the full version, and am actually really impressed. Whoever designed this knew what musicians would need and how to make it intuitive to use. One nit I would pick though, is that there doesn't *seem* to be a way to balance up the parts/ screens before doing the final render. Some sort of separate mix-desk for the audio would be helpful. Perhaps there is one and I've just not found it yet!
Recording in this way is great for improving things like rhythm, intonation, and listening skills. You can even collaborate with other users of the app. This makes it a really fun and creative practice tool.

This weekend my better half whipped up an arrangement for me and the result is below (clarinet geeks, I'll post a link to where you can buy it shortly!). No this recording isn't perfect, but hey, it was lots of fun to make and I've been stunned by the number of shares & positive feedback! Watch 'til the end ;) 

'Stage Fright', 'nerves', 'jitters'... Just a few words to describe a feeling most of us are familiar with. It's something we pretty much have to learn to manage in order to perform.
But what do these words actually mean? I'm not entirely sure.... They attempt to describe a feeling which may be very different for each person. Perhaps they don't do justice to what can be a very real struggle.

But nerves aren't all bad.... Being nervous means you CARE. Nerves can help us to 'up our game' and provide the additional focus and energy required to perform well. It's an evolutionary thing... The physiological changes which accompany a stressful situation can help our bodies to perform at their optimum level. Once upon a time that might have meant the difference between eating and not eating! 

The problem comes when our nerves get the better of us, and start to make things worse.

Someone recently told me that I didn't appear at all nervous or anxious about my playing. Well done me then! My 'game face' must be strong - or it was that day!

I know I'm not alone in managing my nerves even if it's not something we musicians tend to talk about a lot. Over the years they have sometimes been easier to deal with and less bothersome, and at other times harder to manage, but they've been a constant companion. 'Nerves' can manifest in a variety of ways. They can be very short-lived or more insidious, less immediately obvious but with perhaps with more far-reaching consequences...

Most of us would relate to some of the well-known symptoms of nerves, things like:

• shaky hands,
• dry mouth,
• shortness of breath
• racing heart
• running to the toilet (!)

all of which which are pretty obvious physical expressions of the acute (but hopefully short-lived!) stress and anxiety which might accompany a performance.

There are probably as many different ways of coping with these things as there are people. I've observed musicians going 'into' themselves before a concert, mentally and physically taking themselves off somewhere else - I sometimes do this myself. Dealing with other people and making polite conversation can be all a bit much if you're feeling nervous. Some people actively seek out distraction though, and that's perfectly valid too as long as you're not annoying anybody! Deep breathing can help a lot, mindfulness exercises are wonderful. Some people swear by rescue remedy, EFT or homeopathy. Ultimately though the hope is that all your hard work, experience and FOCUS will carry you through and the nerves will melt away. But it can be a hard mental game.

But then there are the more persistent 'nerves', which many of us will also have to manage at some point:

• anxious thoughts - the 'what ifs?' 
• Fear of what others might be thinking or of 'letting the side down'.
• Feelings of not being good enough, or of 'getting found out'. 
• Not sleeping properly.

To a degree these are also 'normal' signs of nervousness, and I'm sure many people can relate to them. But what do you do if you find that they are affecting your ability to do your job or are starting to make your life a misery? What if a feeling of nervousness or nervous thinking isn't just limited to the short window of time around a performance? This is no joke. Out of control thoughts and feelings like this do destroy lives and careers. Being unable to perform without (self-)medicating with beta-blockers or alcohol is far from unusual in the music industry but the reality is that for some people it's the only way to pay the bills. Perhaps the saddest part of this scenario is how little we talk about it - it's the 'elephant in the room'. One reason why people might not want to talk about it is that admitting to getting nervous is like admitting that you might make a mistake, and we can't have that! ;) 

Whether we talk about it or not, the reality is that it just isn't healthy to spend too much time in an anxious state like this, it can become habitual. It starts to feel normal, even though it isn't.  Perhaps we even become addicted to the drama created when we spend our lives a constant cycle of high anxiety/ adrenalin/ relief! But it's important to remember that while short-lived periods of anxiety don't do us any harm (humans are designed to cope with some stress), living life in what is essentially a permanently anxious state of mind isn't healthy. 

But think for a minute: if your amazing mind can conjure up all this anxiety and stress out of nowhere then just imagine what might happen if you were able to harness its 'creative power' for good!

I don't remember there being much focus (if any) about nerves or managing nerves when I was at music college and I think this was a shame. Professional musicians spend countless hours practising, constantly analysing their playing in minute detail for ways to improve it. Many musicians are 'perfectionists', but it doesn't take a genius to work out that the flip side of all this perfectionism can be anxiety....

There's no shame in a top sportsperson consulting a sports psychologist, Andy Murray recently talked about this very thing. In fact, mental strength is recognised as being a very important part of what makes a champion. However we can't expect our musical-mind-game to be strong if the rest of our life is a mess, so it's important not to look at any one thing in complete isolation. Getting enough sleep, eating well, not drinking too much, getting exercise, getting out into the fresh air & having time out & balance in the rest of your life counts for a lot too. These things keep us grounded and anchored generally.

It's easy to see how a strong mental game could help your career though: imagine walking into an audition with a strong mindset - regardless of how beautifully your competition can play you're at an advantage if they're a bundle of nerves and you are beautifully focused, confident and composed! 

I remember my teacher suggesting I read a book called 'The Inner Game of Music' (or the original book which inspired it 'The Inner Game of Tennis') when I was a student. This was good advice and I still recommend these books to others. Essentially the books describe a type of 'mindfulness' which enables us to shut down the negative self-talk which can accompany a performance. Staying 'in the moment' is powerful but it requires practice. 
I found out about the power of hypnosis when I used it for the births of my last two children. Our brains really can be trained to work for us, as well as against us! I've also used hypnosis as a way of dealing with performance-related nerves and I've found that it can work extremely well. 

If your nerves are really affecting your life, then please do get proper help. There are interventions which can make life easier. It might cost money and take a while to sort out, but just imagine for a moment that your instrument had a broken spring or wasn't working correctly. You'd get it fixed, right? Your mind is every bit as important. 

And if all else fails, I also recommend this  ;)

What techniques help you with your performance anxiety? Do you have any suggestions for others? Please let me know. I'd love to share them in a future post.